Humour

• Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -Goethe

• People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up. –Gallagher

• The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. -General George Patton

• An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued. -Irvin S. Cobb

• Banta: Mein New Zealand vich mundayan naal BUNGEE jumping khoob enjoy keeti. Tu kehri sports khedthi c ?
Preeto: Mein vi pind vich mundayan naal MANJEE jumping khoob enjoy kitti c.

• A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him. -Nicolas Boileau

• Avoid employing unlucky people – throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them. -David Brent

• The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. -Eden Phillpots

• There are moments when everything goes well; don’t be frightened, it won’t last. -Jules Renard

• Sure, there’s no ‘i’ in team, but there is an ‘m’ and an ‘e’. -Kevin Meyers

• We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. – Phyllis Diller

• You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough. -Joseph E. Levine

• I’m currently fasting to protest hunger strikes. Scott E. Roeben

• People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up. -Gallagher

• I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank. -Scott E. Roeben

• I heard that the idea for the patent was stolen. -Scott E. Roeben

• A hearty laugh gives one a dry cleaning, while a good cry is a wet wash. -Puzant Kevork Thomajan

• I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want –an adorable pancreas? Kerr, Jean

• Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life. -Brooke Shields

• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -Rich Cook

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