Quotes & Sayings

• The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less. -Brendan Francis

• Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it.

• Sex is like nose picking. It’s fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it’s disgusting watching someone else doing it. -Roald Dahl

• There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -Woody Allen

• A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials. -Ronald Knox

• Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. -Yul Brynner

• It’s the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time. -Tallulah Bankhead

• I’m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don’t know. -Garry Shandling

• A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. -Chauncey Mitchell Depew

• It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman. -Alexandre Dumas

• The best contraceptive is the word no – repeated frequently. -Margaret Smith

• Flies spread disease – keep yours zipped.

• Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. -Bob Rubin

• We all worry about the population explosion, but we don’t worry about it at the right time. -Arthur Hoppe

• I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. -Emo Philips

• Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare

• I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath’. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. -Joan Rivers

• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -Emo Philips

• To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it. -Cary Grant

• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. – Gloria Leonard

• Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare

• A girl’s legs are her best friends…but even the best of friends must part. -Redd Foxx

• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. -Albert Einstein

• I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It’s true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.-Mariella Frostru

• Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range. -Scott E. Roeben

• Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin- it’s the triumphant twang of a bedspring. -S. J. Perelman

• An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card. -Alex comfort

• Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies. -Adrienne Gusoff

• I’m definitely claustrophobic. I have a morbid fear of tight spaces. Thankfully, with my girlfriend, I’ll never have a problem with that. -Scott E. Roeben

• I am skilled at the art of love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush. -Scott E. Roeben

• I guess you could call me a polygamist. Sometimes I switch hands. -Scott E. Roeben

• A man must be potent and orgasmic to ensure the future of the race. A woman only needs to be available. -Masters and Johnson

• An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card. -Alex comfort

• A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you. -Francoise Sagan